Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
