I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cockslap morals
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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