I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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