I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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