is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
