I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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