my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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