Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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