Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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