i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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