Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
