he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
