He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
