just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
