it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize