just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
