btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
