the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
