She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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