I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
