plz talk dirty to me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
