I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
