Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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