What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
