Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
