May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
