forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
