I smell stomach acid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
