They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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