this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
