Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
