New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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