I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
