Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My bed smells like the plague
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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