Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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