I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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