i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
