so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
