I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
