Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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