It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
