i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Congratulations! We have a period
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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