i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
