I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
