PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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