Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
