Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you didnt know i had herpes?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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