omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
