i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
