Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
