His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
