i just wanna soil my oats bro
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
