If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
