trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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