I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
