So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When are your genitals available?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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