i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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