My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
