If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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