I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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