Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
