I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize