Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
