Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
