i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
