Having a random hookup so left but love u
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
