guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
