hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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